so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
