he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Randomize
