I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
