I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
