Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
