He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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