You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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