I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
