I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
