We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
