We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
God I need to hump something, right now.
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