He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
