you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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