The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
