are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
