Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
