My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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