Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
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