WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
