Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Randomize
