Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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