i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
