what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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