girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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