I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
