So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
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