Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
He passed out mid-signature
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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