so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
