U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
