If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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