don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
