were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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