woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
