Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
