i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
