at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
