So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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