Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
