he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
