pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
