You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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