I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
