It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
