It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
