Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
