I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
