he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
