If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
