I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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