some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
